Are One Direction fans going to kill us all?

Thought provoking question.

I’m going to go and buy a One Direction album. It being in my possession will save me when the inevitable One Directioner, or 1D-er uprising comes. I’m going to burn it onto my hard drive, put it on my iPhone and frame it on my wall. This I’m certain will save me.

I’m taking this drastic action because recently I’ve genuinely started to fear for my life. Recently British GQ featured the members of One Direction on five individual covers of their september issue. Within the Harry Styles’ issue, they playfully eluded to Harry taking advantage of the knowledge that he is one of the most adored men on the planet, and that he had a penis. What might elicit a small grin for most was enough to provoke a wave of militant outrage from the more radical echelon of One Direction’s fan base on twitter.

“DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY PEOPLE WANT TO CASTRATE THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR THIS SHITTY MAGAZINE?” – @VENOMALIK

“CAN I PLEASE STAB EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WORKS FOR GQ TY” – @slutynarry

“GQ MAGAZINE CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES WITH A CHAINSAW UP THEIR ASSHOLE TILL IT MUTILATES THEIR INSIDES” – @michaellaneous

You can see a more extensive collection of the responses here.

It doesn’t require a reader to be Horatio Caine to see somewhat of a pattern here. What is more worrying is that this is quite a common occurrence. I regard twitter as a truly great platform. It spearheaded the popular movements in Tunisia and Egypt, and revolutionised for better or worse the way that news is reported. But, it has also given everyone a voice, including a multitude of tweens whose tweets seem to border on the psychotic. Prospective partners of the bandmates now have to think twice after Caroline Flack and America’s sweetheart, Taylor Swift have been subjected to an amount of vitriolic abuse that would even cause Simon Cowell to hide under a table and weep uncontrollably. It is now fraught with peril for even friends of the band to interact with them through twitter, as this chap found out.

What can be done? Well, nothing. The chaps have tried their best, in a mealy mouthed way to stop their fans sending death threats to anyone who so much as inhabits the same universe as the boys without their explicit consent. But it hasn’t seemed to have changed anything.

So run, hide or just sit there and await your oncoming gruesome end at the hand of a One Directioner. It will most likely be extremely painful and prolonged if twitter is a good litmus test for psychopathic behaviour. Me? I’ll be safe. I’ll be lip synching word for word ‘That’s What Makes You Beautiful’ as society crumbles and gets rebuilt as One Directionia. You fools!

Advertisements

Father’s day, brought to you by Samsung.

Several days ago it was Father’s Day. And if you didn’t realise that I’m assuming you live in a Yurt on the steppes of Mongolia, such was the deluge of Facebook statuses, tweets, Instagrams that I was subjected to throughout the day. Now before Daily Mail readers start screaming at me for being a hater of fathers, let me say that I have no issue with loving your dad. Good. That’s out of the way. The issue that I have is that did I really need to see a tweet sponsored by Samsung (I can’t actually remember who it was, but you get the idea), and every other global conglomerate imaginable, sending good wishes to dads across the globe? I’m sure even the official twitter feed for KPMG suggested buying your dad an audit for all his hard work.

Has day to day life become nothing more than a forum in which we have to prove something? Certainly, some marketing executive at Samsung believes that if they do not tweet their appreciation for dads, the sales of the new Galaxy S5 will be severely compromised. I completely agree. Next Easter, if Coca Cola don’t wish me a happy one, you’re damn sure I’m walking straight to the nearest Sainsbury and buying a two litre bottle of Pepsi.

Social media has now given us a place in which we can share anything at any time. But it’s only recently that I’ve noticed these mass outpourings. Not a Christmas, New Year, Easter, Mother’s day or any other public holiday goes by without seemingly every person on Facebook telling me about theirs. Again, I’m not having a go at the people who do it, as I have done it in the past, I’m just wondering what drives us to do it. Most of the statuses garner a few sporadic likes, and that’s about it. It would seem that even though we post these statuses, and write these tweets, our audience doesn’t care that much. The conclusion we’d have to make is that it’s just now the norm.

As I scrolled through my various feeds I thought, what about people who don’t have dads? I know people whose families have been broken up by divorce, or tragically through the death of a father. Do our actions on social networks come across as insensitive, annoying, or just thoughtless?

From my point of view, I’m throwing away my laptop and phone on these days, and spending it with my dad. Then buying a pepsi.